A love letter to the foods I miss from home <3
Savoring flavors, textures, and traditions.
Kimchi. Canned black beans. Kraft Mac n Cheese. Pupusas wrapped in aluminum foil. Trader Joe’s Inner Peas — buy two bags, minimum. Japchae. White Claws. A Dairy Queen cookie dough blizzard. Thai spicy beef salad. Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Brownie Mix— slightly undercooked. Massaman curry, delivered to my door. Frozen dumplings. Wylds indica hybrids, huckleberry. Starbucks breakfast sandwiches that burn my mouth. Carne asada. Beef bulgogi we grill ourselves, seated in plastic chairs, sweating— somewhere in Koreatown.
Doritos — nacho cheese flavor. Sushi without cream cheese in it. Palomas. Fish cakes. Breakfast burritos we eat on the beach at sunset. A matcha latte. Almond butter. Broccolini. Spindrift lemon-flavored seltzer. Costco Pizza. Pumpkin pie. Apple crisp. Stovetop stuffing on Thanksgiving. Homemade sticky buns on Christmas morning. A Mint Mojito coffee from Philz (medium sweet, medium creamy, done Philz’ way). Lamb chops lovingly prepared by a friend’s mom. A perfectly sour margarita with Tajin on the rim. Quesadillas.
Difficult to list. Avoid thinking about them. Avoid craving them. You’ll never satisfy the craving here.
The crunch of a peanut in my massaman curry. The takeout container steaming. Perfectly sticky rice I didn’t cook myself. Somehow better that way.
Salivating. Hard week at work. Crack open a single serving can of wine from Trader Joes. Not bad.
Comfort food. Food I can’t recreate. Sulfates. Processed foods. Eat it by the bag. Junk food. International foods. Food trucks. MSG. Local grub. Steaming hot when you open the aluminum foil. Weak plastic fork and knife against a flour tortilla. Farmer’s markets. Someone’s favorite taco stand off Pico, in the Walgreen’s parking lot. Foods prepared by immigrants. Recipes I don’t know. You have to have it with the spicy fermented black beans on top. All of this: comfort food.
One of my biggest meltdowns in Spain came when I was sick and I couldn’t think of a single simple, easy, healthy, nourishing food to ask a friend to pick up for me. I had no staple food to rely on. I asked for blueberries: out of stock. Maybe a popsicle, for my throat? They only have chocolate or pistachio flavored. Chocolate or pistachio popsicles? you might ask, as did I. No, I have a sore throat. Something without dairy… Text back: They sell mango but only seasonally in the summer :(
I knew I had to eat, but I simply had no appetite for anything I would be able to find here.
And no, it’s wasn’t just my mother’s chicken soup recipe that I was missing. It was the perfectly bland and not too salty 99 cent ramen noodles I can rely on when I have a fever. Pop in a few frozen wontons. Quick and nourishing. No chopping required. Or a powder blue Gatorade you can find at any old CVS as you pick up your throat lozenges and zinc tablets. CVS is never closed on Sundays.
My cravings for these foods subsided within a few months of moving to Spain. At first, I spent a lot of time craving. I would try to recreate these flavors, satisfy the itch. But never to any avail. Dumplings never have pork in them. Pizza always has ham on it. Black beans and flour tortillas are hard to come by. Salads always have some sort of canned fish on them that’s impossible to pick out. Where are the green onions? (Only seasonal, I would later discover come springtime). Tortilla chips crumble like sand. Thai food is non-existent. Same with spice.
None of this is to say that food is bad in Spain. Spanish food is delicious. It’s world-renowned for a reason. But it is simple. Oftentimes, beautifully so. For example, Spanish tortilla de patatas. It’s a potato omelette/frittata-ish delicacy. Just eggs, potatoes, onions (although this is up for debate in Spain), and olive oil.
Tostada. Another example of simple food that relies on fresh, flavorful ingredients. I have my tostada with grated tomato, avocado, and olive oil. There’s usually big, flaky sea salt as well. All of this on top of a toasted half of a small baguette.
Spanish food can also be greasy and rich. Croquetas, caballitos, patatas bravas, calamares a la andaluza. Fried fish, fried potatoes, fried vegetables. Jamón and cheese sneaks its way into everything: salad, pizza, fried rice, noodles, dumplings. Oh, and a dish is not complete here without an aioli of some kind.
I’ve loved Spanish food. I’m the first to sing its praises. But grocery stores? International foods? Takeout? I don’t know if anyone can do these things quite like the US.
And there’s something quite strange about explaining to Spanish people that the things you miss about home are Korean food and Thai food and Trader Joe’s’— yeah, it’s a kind of novelty grocery store on every corner in Los Angeles…
Yes, some of what I miss from home is through and through American as far as I know: Kraft Mac n Cheese, Thanksgiving dishes, Dairy Queen, and so on. But there’s also the Persian food my friend’s family used to make when I would come over. The $1 tacos from the side of the street where I would timidly order in Spanish. The world of Korean food and Korean grocery stores introduced to me by Korean-American friends.
It’s difficult to live without your comfort foods. Any immigrant knows this, I’m sure. It’s the only reason we’re lucky enough to be able to order pupusas from the local food truck that sets up a few blocks down on Friday nights. Or get some homemade stuffed grape leaves and maamoul cookies from the Syrian woman’s stand at our local farmer’s market.
And I’m sure, when I return back to the United States in a few months, things will slowly shift. I’ll get my fix of all the foods I miss and then one day I’ll be lamenting about the perfectly dry and crispy Spanish white wines I used to have in Murcia. Or the perfectly crunchy croquetas with steaming, rich, creamy centers. I’m sure I’ll miss the simplicity of tomatoes: always perfectly ripe and flavorful — better than any garden tomato you can find in the US. I know I’ll miss my one euro cortados that I order at any time of day: 6am or 6pm, no pasa nada.
Croissants a la plancha with butter from Asturias. Cocktail mixes of nuts and crunchy little bits and bops given when you order a drink somewhere. Potato chips taken quite seriously, an appropriate side dish to any meal or snack. Melt-in-your-mouth prawns. Smoked octopus. Alhambra beer. Foods that have slowly, without my knowing, become my comfort foods here in Spain.
For now I will savor my foods, knowing that one day I’ll miss them and crave them. Buen provecho <3